I’ve always known that I need to have trust in Christ. This was taught to me when I was younger and has been valuable to me every day of my life. It reflects on the paradox “When you are weak, I am strong” meaning that HE is there to lift me when I can’t do it myself. I am a firm believer in this as well and I know that through personal witness this is true. However, the only way for this to work is to have confidence in Christ.
I feel as though one of my biggest weaknesses in life is accepting why things happen. Of course, I’ve always known that God has His ways but could never understand what that meant. From the age of one until around the age of eleven, life was not normal. My brother, Shawn, has autism which my parents didn’t know about until he was five. I was very young during this time and didn’t understand exactly everything going on. It didn’t make sense as to why he was being brought in and out of hospitals throughout these years nor did I understand why he didn’t act the same as my other brother and me. Although I was the youngest, I had to act like a middle child. The majority of the attention was on Shawn, as he needed that, and up until recently, I didn’t realize how hard my parents worked to give me the best life possible while still dealing with Shawn and the many issues attached to his childhood. Even though I wish I didn’t get frustrated, I did. It didn’t make sense as to why Christ gave us this situation and made my family go through so much heartbreak with my brother. It wasn’t easy to watch my family struggle like this and feel as if I had no control. Yes, it wasn’t me being brought in and out of hospitals and schools trying to get proper care, but it was me who had to watch it happen while I thought there was nothing wrong with him. He’s my brother and I will always see the best in him, which made it that much harder. Except if there’s anything that I have learned from this is that you need to go through the worst to get to the best; and God knew that the whole time, but I didn’t have enough confidence in Him to believe this. Little did I know that I should have trusted Him from the beginning.
Getting older and more mature, I started praying some nights for Shawn. I never asked God to give us a normal life and to make Shawn a different person, I asked Him to make sure that he was healthy and safe wherever he goes. I started to realize that God couldn’t do the work for my family but He could guide us on the right track. Not just that, but He could put me in the right mindset. I started accepting that I’d only see Shawn on weekends and holidays and that he would never live home again. This was the safest thing for everyone. Instead of moping about how my life isn’t the same as my friends who have siblings, I embraced God into my life more and as a result, I was happier. Putting my trust in Christ was the best thing I could have done. When I gained that confidence in Him, I didn’t feel as weak and I knew that everything happens for a reason. Although it was disheartening to watch my brother struggle to the top, once he got there that was the only thing that mattered. As of 2017, our lives started changing and I am a strong believer that that is because I had more confidence in Christ. This was when I started understanding my religion more and the power Christ can have if you trust him. In my opinion, trust and confidence go hand-in-hand and when I realized that I needed more of both when it came to putting my life in the hands of the Lord, I could see the change. It became much less disheartening when my brother had difficulties because I had confidence that Christ would help him. With that, it was also important for me to remember not to abuse Christ’s power; although He could help and guide us, that didn’t mean that life was going to be my version of perfect.
This year, I’ve had the most confidence in Christ than I’ve ever had before. I think I finally trusted that everything happens for a reason and that no matter what, I can trust Christ to pull me out of difficult times. Growin up, there was a change in my perspective as I personally witnessed the effect of having confidence in Christ. Even with my brother still struggling at that time, I trusted that He would give him and my family strength as we were too weak without Him. Now, I am happy and my brother couldn’t be doing better. Christ is in full control of my life as I couldn’t be where I am today without Him. He is only a prayer away and knowing this has strengthened not only myself but my relationship with Him. I had confidence that He would guide my family out of the worst and He did. Some people might contradict having confidence in Christ because they might feel as though He allows us to struggle through tough times. I don’t agree. I think that even though what my brother went through was difficult and hard to deal with, it has brought him and my family to such a great place in life because as of now, we are using our story to share to others and to make a difference in the system that my brother went through and that couldn’t have happened if our life was perfect. God knows what He is doing and the only way anyone will realize that is if they trust Him. Overall, my experience with turning my life over to Christ has made me a calmer person as I know that everything happens for a reason and it’s all in the hands of God.